We all know the stories – a self-proclaimed “nice guy” goes out of his way to show what he perceives to be kindness to a girl he is interested in, ends up driving her away by being forward and/or talking shit about every girl except for the one he’s pursuing (or maybe she’s already spoken for and he just thinks that she “can do better”), she lets him down easy, and he wallows in self-pity, confining himself to the purgatory of unrequited love known as “The Friendzone.” But looking at most people’s stories of such, it becomes clear that most of the time, both parties involved are idiots.
Now, I’m the last person on earth who will go to bat for a Nice Guy™ – I’ve had my share of bad experiences with them, to say the least. But it seems like short of Nice Guys™ themselves, no one is willing to actually take a look at what the other side is doing that, if they changed their attitude or behavior, could actually make the situation in question less stressful, or even nonexistent. And of course, the guys themselves are one-trick ponies who base the entirety of their personality around the concept that they’re “nicer than other guys” the way most SJWs on Tumblr do with their sexual orientation and gender. I will take a semi-objective look at both sides of the coin and tell them what they are doing wrong (ladies first):
For Girls:
If you already have a boyfriend and are touchy-feely or play-flirtatious with other guys, especially those who are most liable to have an invested interest in you, you are being a cocktease, pure and simple. I’m not talking about girls who hug their friends or pat them on the back, or playfully punch them in the gut à la “one of the boys”; I mean those girls who try to be cute by jumping on their guy friends, kissing them, changing clothes in front of them…I wouldn’t even do that shit with other girls (granted I swing both ways, so it takes on a different meaning when I do it anyway), much less guys I had no intention of screwing. I don’t say this to slut-shame (although when you look at the word, it says something…after all, “dog-shaming” is the shaming of dogs and “fat-shaming” is the shaming of fat people, if you catch my drift…), I speak from personal experience – I’ve had boyfriends who put up with this shit from their exes, and even one close friend whom I developed feelings for had some Jenny-come-lately try to play-flirt with him like this (even after he repeatedly told her it made him uncomfortable), even though she claimed she already had a boyfriend and was a Christian. If you have balls enough to be this forward with a guy and claim it’s platonic, then you shouldn’t have any problem putting a guy in his place if he steps out of line, either – he’s not your “friend” if he’s only pretending to be interested in you to get in your pants, so kick him to the curb once his motives become clear.
In addition to physical miscommunication, if you have a boyfriend and are confiding emotionally in another man – particularly about problems in your relationship – that’s borderline infidelity. And if your problems are actually serious, such as domestic violence or something, you shouldn’t be talking to some fedora-wearing social retard who is only interested in getting a pretty girl’s attention. Ask yourself – is this guy you’re confiding in going to confront your boyfriend? Beat the shit out of your guy for laying a hand on you? Go to the police if the situation spirals out of control? No, he’s not – and once your man finds out what you’ve been doing, if you’re lucky enough to not land in the hospital or worse, he will leave you, and the Nice Guy™ homewrecker will either conveniently lose interest in you or become your next controlling, abusive boyfriend. Also, there is a good chance that you’re not the only girl the Nice Guy™ is stringing along – he’s probably sleeping with or attempting to stir up a relationship with someone society deems less than ideal girlfriend material (fat, crazy, poor, single mom, etc.) who actually cares about him as practice until he gets his trophy girlfriend.You could be needlessly hurting some random Jane who actually wants this guy you’re unintentionally leading on, and she might come after you for it, too.
For Guys:
Take a look at the way she interacts with other friends of both sexes. Chances are, if she is “flirting” with you (which in all likelihood, is just her being genuinely nice and refraining from punching you in the balls for saying “Other guys hate the hair on your arm, but I think it’s cute”), and you’re just a friend, she does it with all of her friends – you’re not special. And if you spend all of your conversation time with her verbally jacking off about how much “nicer” or whatnot you are than other guys, not only do you come off as a cynical asshole, but you’re indirectly talking shit about the men in her life that she loves – be it her boyfriend, her father, her brothers, whatever. If you’re really interested in a girl, try to find common ground with her other than perceived insecurities – her hobbies, her life goals, her religious/political beliefs…and if you’re intentions are purely sexual, make sure that is clear from the beginning. If she rejects you, it’s not the end of the world – there are other girls out there who will sleep with you. That said, if you have a FWB or other girl who is interested in you, stop wasting time and energy on a lost cause and pay more attention to the one woman who thinks you have some redeeming qualities.
If she’s telling you things in confidence that she doesn’t tell her boyfriend, she’s being dishonest to him and disrespecting their relationship. If the guy finds out, he will either a) do physical harm to your pedestal princess, b) come after you for meddling in their affairs with obvious ulterior motives, or c) dump her on the spot – after which she will rebound with you only to find some other Friendzone Johnny to confide in once you and she are an item and repeat the process. If she has the audacity to have an emotional affair behind one guy’s back, what’s to say she won’t do it to you?
Always make your intentions clear from the start. If she doesn’t want to date you, it could be for any number of reasons – besides being spoken for already, maybe she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship (that happened when I dated a Nice Guy™, plus he ended up being a sociopath who was still overly attached to his mom), you could be fun to hang out with and even date but suck balls as a relationship partner (same guy I mentioned before), or maybe she just flat out finds you unattractive – unlike guys, women generally don’t fuck people beneath them out of desperation.
Well, that’s about all I can think of that hasn’t already been said…and I don’t think I even need to state the usual “not all X/same-sex couples/blah blah blah political correctness” disclaimers here, because most people in general are smart enough to figure these things out…I hope. Then again, I did just break down and explain basic human interactions, so maybe there is no hope for this planet after all.
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